Zoroaster Jones: On the Scene

I am Zoroaster Jones, descendant of the prophet Zoroaster (you may know him as Zarathustra the Ill, or Super-Fly Zaraϑuštra).

These writings will not lead to whores and excess. Instead, I lay before you a most righteous path at the end of which you will find a most amiable spouse.

This path is neither wholly rooted in the old ways, nor is it entirely modern. It is a hybrid of all ways. This path will teach you to sustain aša and avoid druj.

You might be thinking, "but Zoroaster, how can the old ways help land me a fly honey? Shouldn't it be all new?"

My response, "Check it fool. Have you seen those old dudes that super models marry? Why else would they marry them other than for the fact that they are old? Bitches. Love. Old. But, while bitches certainly do love old shit, you can't be all vintage all the time. Why? Bitches. Also. Love. Cadillacs."

So sayeth Zoroaster Jones.