If you read any piece of literature on the nature of animalia, there are certain patterns that one can exploit when seeking anything with a beating heart. Indeed, if it is a woman you want, you must learn to think as a woman does. To begin, seek them at sources of fresh water, preferably at dawn and/or dusk. Most women enjoy the cover of darkness when they go about their routines, since the mid-day sun is not beating down upon their backs, making them weary and lethargic. There is no sport in pursuing an exhausted woman, it's dishonorable. You could just as soon have one lashed to a stake, merely waiting for you to take them at your own leisure. But what would your kin think of that? It would be frowned upon, you would be disowned and shamed. But I digress, the absence of a sun also provides protection from predators who have poor vision during twilight hours, another desirable characteristic of coming out after sun-down.
If you have had the misfortune of not being able to find a woman at any of your local watering-holes or rivers (perhaps it's the dry season or maybe the women in your area are just partial to licking the dew off of the grass in the morning), there are other strategies you may want to pursue. They seem to be partial to the flavor of salt. In the past, I have used that in order to lure them to me. It's a brilliant strategy and well-regarded as an effective technique. Although it may be hearsay, it is also my understanding that dousing oneself with urine is another good way to attract females, especially if they're in heat (often around the fall season).
If that fails, one could always wait until a winter season. When snow blankets the ground, one gains access to a whole new dimension in the process of discovering a woman in that it becomes quite easy to track them. Most anything with a footprint is bound to leave tracks whilst walking through snow and these tracks are fairly easy to read. One can tell direction based on the orientation of the print, the weight of the creature, based on how deep the foot sank in the snow, and how old the tracks are by looking at how much new snow has collected in the indentation since it was made. Indeed, winter also increases visibility in forests, what with the foliage falling from the trees come autumn (*important note* this only applies if you have the privilege of living near a wooded area predominately populated with deciduous trees), and most of the animals that dwell in the woods become quite desperate for food since they're no longer able to graze in lush meadows (said meadows are usually buried in aforementioned snow). It should be no problem whatsoever to draw an emaciated woman out of the woods if you leave some fodder out over night.
At last, when I was finished my response, I assured the young man that, if he could not abide by these simple practices, he might as well vow celibacy and enter a monastery. We shared a hearty laugh and parted.
Unfortunately, I gave this advice after my first stroke. What I had been referring to was the red deer (behold it's magnificence!):
I found out a few lunar cycles later that my acquaintance had been mauled to death in the woods by a marauding pack of wolves that smelled the rank stench of human urine all over his clothing as he was staking out a rather scenic swamp in the wilderness. The wolves must have assumed that, in a state of panic, he had soiled himself, and would make easy prey. Nonetheless, there is a lesson to be learned here; one should entirely disregard the advice that I had given that particular young man. I don't think young women actually do come out at dusk to sip gingerly from any bodies of fresh water. I am also dubious about whether they find the smell of urine attractive. I suppose the part about tracking during winter months is still relevant though.
Heed my advice, young reader!
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