Power

Recently I was asked, "Northfist, how many cubits of weight might you heft?" It was something that I had never pondered before. Often, when I'm oiling my muscles, the only thought crossing my mind is how I could wrestle my fathers strongest mule to the ground and pin it to the earth for several minutes. Never had I considered attempting to lift the mule above my head. I suppose I'm just not disposed to consider such things.

Regardless, I was confronted with a challenge, so I asked the villagers to gather all of the stones in front of the chapel. When they had amassed a pile so large that it was an affront to god himself, I began to go through them, testing the weights of the stones. I instructed the villagers to place the rocks in wicker baskets. Upon completion of this task, I asked them to begin stacking the baskets in my arms. They stacked the baskets in my arms and I stood there straining for eight days and nights, holding the tower of rock-filled, wicker-baskets steady. On the morning of the ninth day I had my fill of holding the wicker baskets, so I dropped them... carelessly. The stones shook the earth and people ran about in absolute terror. Their panic caused several to be trampled to death, although, to be fair, they likely would have died from tuberculosis anyways. I grew tired of bearing witness to mayhem so I left and proceeded to lift carriages, portcullis', draft animals, and all things large and small across the land. I had a problem: I was addicted.

As I was bench-pressing a couple of mares in the middle of a road, an old crone approached me. She told me that if I were to continue lifting the mares, great trouble and hardships would befall me. I construed her comment as a threat and ran her off into the woods. I hope she rots there. I continued to lift the mares above my head, I felt unstoppable. It was several hours later that my first misfortune befell me. I strode through a village with the mares held proudly above my head when I spotted two maidens giggling. It was distracting. I inquired, "Maidens! What is it that you find so humorous? The bulges of my muscles are nothing to be trifled with!" They replied, "Good sir, is your refrigerator running?" I did not know what to make of the comment, the context of the comment was simply unknown to me. But before I could respond, the shorter one blurted,"Sir knight! You best go and catch it!" The two then began to laugh mirthfully at my expense.

I did not know what to make of the situation, the larks were doubling over with laughter. The scene they were causing drew the attention of others who joined the fray. I was utterly humiliated, but I was to have the last laugh! The mare in my right hand was of good breeding so I used her to smash the shorter one until she bled from the eyes. The other merely watched, gasping in horror, so I bashed her as well! The crowd dispersed as I shouted obscenities at them.

I continued on my way, holding the mares high above my head. My unusual profile evidently attracted unwanted attention as a large bird of prey landed upon a tree immediately in front of my person. The bird stared for a moment and then asked me to place the mares upon the ground; I obliged the creature and the mares ran off. The bird then asked me to strip from the waist down; I obliged and my clothing was taken away by the wind. The bird then told me to approach; I obliged and moved forwards. The bird looked me up and down and then asked me to dig a pit, so I began to dig. A fortnight elapsed before the bird asked me to stop and instructed me to fill the pit with gold and jewels. I was so invested in helping the great bird by that point that I figured I might as well finish. I traveled for several lunar cycles before finding the adequate gold and jewels to fill the pit. When the pit was full, the bird squatted upon its summit and released a clutch of eggs. I understood life.